When you don’t really know what to say
“We dont know what to say”. That was the exact and only words in a message from Lea and Schilling. I loved it! Unfortunately, they didn’t send it because of a recent success; something like “oh girl, you just won this and this race, or you just nailed the texture of this chocolate cake. We don’t know what to say!”. That would have been really nice though!
But still, even if the occacion for the card is a little less exciting than that, I look at it everyday day. Because it is so much on POINT of what’s been going on. You see; I’m already 200 words into this blog and all I’ve come to is: I don’t know what to say. Not really a great start of a blog, ha? 😉
But now the mess is becoming more simple, and I have found some words. So here we go.
What’s up? In theory, a whole lot. Practically, really not much.
How have you been? Exhausted
How are you? Considering the circumstances: Good. I’m happy.
When are you racing? I’m asking the same. Deep down I know it’s not going down this year (individually). I really miss it but……:
How is training? Limited. The plan is being made on a daily basis, considering how things around is going on that specific day (and my body’s response). Some days, it’s two sessions with some intensity in one of the sessions, other days is just a long walk.
People that know me well, know that 2017 was a fairly chaotic year for my family and I. It really put life into perspective. It forced me to grow up quickly and embrace every single day. (Luckily, I realized that I was content with my priorities – so nothing has really changed.)
Triathlon became so tiny-little-important in the big picture – but yet very central of my everyday life. I sticked to training and racing because it was what I wanted the most. I probably pushed the buttons too hard in trying so, while “life stessors” outside triathlon were also pushing the buttons. In the end, a bit too much for my body to cope with – and I took a very long off season to get the body balanced again and get settled to a new family situation.
During spring, my fitness developed steadily but strongly and I started to plan out races for the summer. I was happy, hopefull and more patient than normal. But apparently not “balanced enough” to cope with a new ….outside-of-control, everyday-impacting, fairly-surprising life stressor.
In May, just before the race season started, my better-half got diagnosed with cancer in the lymph system in a well-spread state. That, we hadn’t seen it coming.
Kinda like. Life in your face! Deal with it! Again.
I mean…if you’re a 26-year old active guy…don’t drink or smoke….eats spinach smoothies for breakfast…and then gets cancer? Well, then anything can really happen. (Okay, I know there are a lot more variables to the mix – but I think you get the point).
He was having symptoms with pressure on/in his throat – and because we eat a lot of dates, I joked with that it was just a date stone that was stuck (from now on I promise to try increase my sympathy level when he’s sick). But, we made this deal that when we could decline the date stone hypothesis, we would open a champagne. Some weeks later, we were told that it was cancer. I was choked but Adam said: “You know we have to open a champagne tonight, right?”. As tragic-comic as it was, we did.
Since then, there has been a little less (as in zero) alcohol and a lot more chemo, causing the “hangovers” for 50% of our household (that’s Adam). And a little less triathlon as the center of focus for the other half of our household (that’s me).
As much as I want (and – oh dear god – miss) the grind and the races, right now is not the time. I’ve come to that conclusion with the federation, my coaches and not the least my body. I still enjoy the active lifestyle, train regulary with Tri Team SDU, and follow races with a fire in my belly – and that feeling tells me that I will come back. One day.
But things at their time.
Right now, I prefer to make green smoothies and ginger teas to Adam so we can hopefully go into a new year with a little more health and a little more hair (for Adam). 😉
There’s still a long way to go, but one day at the time eats it up! Luckily, Adam has the coolest attitude. He’s taking responsibility, going low on the self-pity, and fighting it out optimistically and positively. And the attitude spreads! More of that in the world! 💪🏼
As Michelle said the other day: You know, after this you should write a book titled “When I experienced more in one year than what most people experience over a life time”. I thought it was funny. Kind of true, but yet I know that African kids probably have wilder stories to tell. But two things are for certain; it’s been two intensssse years. And there might be more to come. But if 2019 brings a little less drama than the previous years, I will welcome it with open arms and all my love. If not, well…. I’m armed! 😏💪🏼
To the coaches of the federation, sponsors and as always family and friends, I am so grateful for advices, help and support.